the haunted campfire

Let’s be honest. For those who have endured it, the morning commute to and from London is rubbish. Whether it’s a 20-minute breeze or, like myself, waking up at 6.15 for a 9 start, something along the way is most likely going to grind you down. It’s inevitable.

It used to be something innocent, like a sneeze on the back of your head. Or some skinhead pumping out techno through his iPod, as if his eardrums were removed at birth. I now long for those days, wiping the snot from my hair whilst trying to avoid eye contact with the scary bald man.

Because a new threat to my daily sanity has come to the fore; the iPad. I know, I know…it’s been around a bit already. But instead of a clunky piece of expensive technology (meaning people were reluctant to get them out in crowds), they’re becoming ever more portable, increasing in picture quality and so on…this isn’t good news for the average train user.

Now when I sit on my morning train, happily chewing on a piece of toast and sipping my tea, some donkey decides to sit down and whip out their impossibly small iPad, place it on a stand and start laughing away at How I Met Your Mother or similar trollope – amidst the stone-cold silence of my fellow sufferers.

And you know what the worst part is? I can’t avoid looking at the screen. Suddenly the paperback novel in my hands feels like some ancient and indecipherable piece of coding, unable to match the iPad’s inherent brilliance. So I sit and steal glances, which is frustrating enough, let alone when the owner notices me looking and turns away, thinking I actually care.

This is how Apple makes its millions. People guilt-tripped into buying iPads so not to look at their neighbours’. One helluva marketing scam scheme.